Friday, July 16, 2010

The Case Against Unmarked White Vans

In this day and age, with lawsuits springing up over spilled coffee and other dumb stuff the human species is prone to doing, I thought I should bring up a subject that I think has been grossly overlooked. Along with gun control and outlawing violent video games, this should go a long way towards ensuring a perfectly safe world with no violence or opinions.

I am referring, of course, to unmarked white vans. Now, I'm sure there are white vans all over the world who go through the entirety of their serviceable lives without being used to commit violent crimes, such as robberies and kidnappings (and in extreme cases murder). However, due to the rare instances of these unmarked vans being used to commit crimes, I propose to outlaw ownership of unmarked white vans. Owning a white van without a clearly visible marking measuring not less than 18" x 18" on the sides, back, hood, and roof of the van would be punishable by a fine of not less than $500,000,000 and up to 15 years in prison. The offense would be owning an unmarked white van, which indicates an intention to commit crime. Any van with removable stickers would be subject to the same penalties and fines.

By eliminating unmarked white vans I predict a decrease in robberies, kidnappings, and murders. It's that simple.

Ban Unmarked White Vans!!!!!

1 comment:

  1. THAT is what unmarked white vans are for! I finally know why I like to drive one.