A Monday Morning

I scramble for the the alarm as it beeps at me. It doesn't feel as though I have gotten enough sleep but the twirping tells me I'd better have. My brain frantically scrambles to disentangle my last dream from waking reality. Some mornings are more difficult than others; if I get yanked out of sleep mid-dream I have to run down the list of reality checks: this is my bed, the window is on that side, there is no warehouse, I can't actually fly, etc..

I crawl off our California King bed and make a stumble for the door. The aroma of coffee in the air reassures me that yes, I did remember to set the automatic coffee maker last night. I stumble past it to the bathroom for a quick visit, pausing on the way to turn my laptop on.

Upon exiting the restroom I enter my password into the computer and navigate to the kitchen, where with any luck the coffee pot has stopped gurgling. I pour five seconds worth of sugar in my coffee cup and then fill it up with coffee. A quick stir and a quick sample tell me that it's sweet enough. Clutching my coffee mug like the Holy Grail, I slog to the couch where my laptop has hopefully finished loading everything and open the Runescape home page in hopes that they've updated the game today.  This week they're supposed to be making an upgrade to their clue trails. The way clue trails work is that you get a clue scroll from a monster and then you go on a treasure hunt all over the world of Runescape, following the clues. If you're lucky you get cool stuff.

No update, which makes me sad for all of two minutes as I log on and set off to slay Hellhounds, which is my current slayer assignment. Twelve red dogs later and I get a clue. I decide to save it for the update (as you can only get one clue at a time and I want kewl st00fs) and set off to gain a fishing level.

I end up not getting the fishing level because I'm trying to find a way to get my Facebook to announce whenever I have a blog post. This takes some time. I also run across a way to put a 'Like' button for people to like my posts, so I figure how to put that in (took some HTML code insertion). I am startled by the sudden appearance of Roommate, who mumbles a good morning in my general direction and sets about making himself breakfast. I am finishing reading Cracked articles when Roommate offers some corned hash and eggs. I have a small amount before looking in the refrigerator for items I can throw together for lunch. Today, we end up with some leftover stuffing and McDonalds chicken nuggets. I nearly forget but I grab a white nectarine to accompany the other items in my soft-sided lunch bucket. I then head to the bedroom to put on some out-of-the-house clothes and to put my pocket items in their appropriate pockets. Today I switch up some of the pockets; the keys ended up in the right front pocket when they normally go in the left front pocket.

I then give LOML a kiss, and he gives a happy grunt without waking up. I grab the lunch pail and backpack and head for the door. It's raining, so after putting my sandals on I sidle against the house wall for as long as I can before making a dash for my car.

Five minutes of driving, I'm at work and it's not raining anymore. I walk into the office I share with two other interns (M___ is already in, as usual). I set my backpack down on my seat and head for the kitchenette area to stow my lunch. I get a cup of espresso and head back to my desk. It appears that the computer in Chile is still running the program I told it to before I left on Friday, which is good; however there appear to have been no earthquakes over the weekend. My mind is still refusing to put thoughts in sequential order. But that's Monday for you.

So, about Bacon...

I have an ongoing love affair with bacon that is only matched by my love for coffee. Or perhaps not. I will explain.

I drink coffee nearly every morning of my life. It shortens my body’s sluggish awakening process from four hours to one. It allows me to steal hours from my dreams at both ends of the night and permits me to mimic human behavior with a high degree of accuracy.

I do not eat bacon every day. This is due to the fact that I am a poor college student that is subsidizing two people off my financial aid/work study/whatever-job-I-have-at-the-time, and such a state of financing does not permit me to eat bacon every day.

Coffee* is the dependable wife that I can’t live without. She’s energetic and comes in different charming flavors and when she decides to be gourmet (i.e. Kona) (aka not often because I’m poor) she will make my soul curl up into a happy little ball of contentment. But even when she’s being cheap, common Folgers, I must have her in some shape or form. Every single day.

Bacon** is like the expensive mistress that I rarely see because I must come bearing expensive gifts. But when I do see her, I savor her presence and revel in her taste. She brings a thrill to my soul and a light to my heart, and I wonder how I ever went so long without seeing her.

And then the last strip of bacon is consumed and I am sadden by the absence.

I will mention that I do not believe coffee is made jealous by this relationship. She understands that there is room and place for both of them in my heart.

So…the reason this blog is called Bacon & Betelgeuse and not a more pretentious name like Paradoxes & Paradigms is probably directly linked to the fact I had an incident with bacon yesterday.

Several days ago I had made a panful of bacon so I could have bacon sandwiches during the week. I was excited because I had not had bacon in several months. The initial panful yielded 11 strips of bacon. I ate two before they managed to stop sizzling, leaving nine strips.

Over the course of the next two days I had two more pieces of bacon, leaving 7. I figured 7 strips would make two sandwiches, and so I left them unguarded.

Yesterday morning I went to make a yummy tasty bacon sandwich for lunch.

Bacon strips present = 2.

I can’t handle disappointment that early in the morning. I just can’t. It invades my entire world and makes me want to crawl into a hole and cry at the injustice of it all.

LOML denied any connection to the missing bacon. That only left Roommate, because of course I trust LOML implicitly and it’s entirely possible Roommate thought the bacon was one of the items bought for mutual sharing purposes.

LOML persuaded me to put down the knife and not commit violence upon Roommate while he slept. I made a sad little sandwich out of the two remaining bacon strips and felt sad for hours afterwards.

When I got home last night, I cooked up the rest of the bacon, put it in a bag with a note threatening to shank the offender in his sleep asking to please leave the bacon alone as it is for my lunch.

Today I’m having a sandwich with 6 slices in it.

Life is good.


*Decaffeinated coffee is not coffee. It’s some body-snatcher pretending to be the real thing. Don’t fall for it.

**Turkey bacon is the equivalent of a cheap two-bit broad that you don’t touch because for the price of two or three two-bit broads you can have the real Bacon.